Desires of the Heart

acepilot388 asked: Great job! You will do tremendous next year! The band is so lucky to have you as Field Commander now

Aww, thank Dally dal! This makes me smile so much! You’re magical birthday pen worked! Thank you for always believing in me. I wish to serve to my fullest capabilities I can’t wait for next year :).

breathe-easy-love asked: Hey Lovely, I love you and miss you so much! We really need to hang out sometime. (:

Haha, yeah we do :). How are you!?

Hey guys!

^ :o

Make the most of it.

Sorry with all of the sad post, I just needed to get things off of my chest, here’s a happy one lol.

Next year I’m going to miss my big brothers. My band family is more a family to me than my own sometimes. Especially the trombone section (my section). They always know how to make me feel carefree and laugh. Today during jazz, Zach had a bright sparkly silver sequence hat from the theater department throughout the entire sectional we would exchange the hat whenever Eric wasn’t looking. He exclaimes when he no longer see the hat on Zach’s head, but on that of my own.

“Zach! Why is Savanah wearing your hat?” Eric exclaimes and to this Zach smiles mischeviously for a plan was begining to work through his mind.

“Why what do you mean Eric! That’s Savanah’s hat she’s been wearing it all day!”

Eric looks utterly confussed. “But… wait what?”

“Wow Eric, she’s owned that hat all year why on Earth would Zach wear it?”

Nick smiles Eric just tilts his had confound.

“If you say so.”

This was the start of a Trombone players game. We all started to exchange the hat and constantly ridiculed Eric when he asked about the hats owner tricking him and confusing him even more when finally I sneak behind him while playing and put the hat on him. Once on him he ask about the hat again and just the same we answer.

“What do you mean? You’ve worn it all day!”

Eric throws the hat down and begins to put it away. “You know what you guys are liars! I rage quit!”

“Eric what did I tell you? Lay off the drugs!” Zach smiles, at this Eric scoffs.

“I told you guys! I don’t do drugs!”

“It’s the grass man!” Josh yells, the minute everything gets quiet. We all laugh, until I point out to Eric

“You drink.”

Eric stares at me, “Well, yeah but that’s… Oh God!”

Needless to say, Jazz was fun today!
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After that during lunch time Josh and I laid there on the band room floor talking while Julissa and John were jaming out on the piano and drums playing the song forget you. Suddenly Josh starts to hum the song then he looks at me and says.

“Isn’t my sing beautiful?”

For some reason I laugh and ignore his comment. Bad idea, he decides then that it’d be fun to surprise me. Suddenly he starts belting horribly out of tune “I see you driving ‘round town with the girl I love and I’m like forget you!!!”

Needless to say I had to repeatedly smack him to get him to shut up.

“Does my singing sound beautiful now?” He exclaimes. But before I can respond Zack Brown smiles and beats me to the chase.

“Wait what was that? I think my ears are still bleeding princess dic*wad!”

Josh just smiles mischiveously “Hey! That’s princess Joshica to you!”

“Aw, you take pride in my nickname!” I laugh he then says to Zack.

“Wait, what was that you say? Encore? Why of course I will!”

He begins again loudet and even more out of tune.

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After that we had sectionals again for Symphonic class. Paola couldn’t get this one part memorized and so I took her aside and worked half the period with her on helping her memorize her part. I made sure to be very encouraging and give her tips when she became got frustrated. We laughed and maked up a bunch of stupid tetms to help her memorize her stuff and it worked! She got the entire part memorized! She made me smile today, for afterwards she told me that for some reason she can’t just learn from a sectional but when it’s with me or if I’m playing with her she feels as if she can play anything. That I inspired her to play like me and that she looks up to me. I was surprised, only Zach got those kind of comments. Even still she reminded me of myself from last year in that moment. For Zach was always that person to me, it made me smile knowing that I was now Zach to a littler me so to speak (if that makes sense lol.) I remember always looking up to big brother, I’m going to miss him dearly. But on the brighter side, I now had a little sister :). I told her that it was because she’s more of an individual player, she learns better one on one and with no distractions than she does as a group with little attention to detail. It was then that Zach came up and draped his arms around our shoulders Paola then asked him if during sectionals if she could have just me or him to work on stuff with her at a time he agreed and then she put her stuff away.

But before Zach could put his trombone away I stopped him and smiled handing him the trombone quartet song that I had arranged “Lolipop”. He smiled and took the music.

The day ended with the old trombone quartet, we played lolipop (Zach, Nick, Josh and I). A bunch of kids surrounded us just to listen and Eric of course only decided to join. (Which I thought was peculiar considering just moments ago hehad ridiculed me for he hates that song.) Anyways after a couple reps and laughs everyone thanked me for that momment and taking the time to arrange that by ear, we all then moved on with a promise to play again tommorrow and even though I began to hate the song while in the process of writting it so long ago. I was glad I had done it and never gaveup on it. For just that moment the music had connected us together and gave us that memory. I now know why composers work so hard. For even though we work for months and months just to create a single piece. It’s that moment of musicality, that moment when we are bonded in a way that nothing else can do. A bond for a moment through feelings and togetherness of music. That is what makes it all worth doing.

Something beautiful

Today was a good day in a different way. It started with me on the verge of tears. 1st period a classmate of mine came rushing in happy and super excited she claimed that she had a great idea that she wanted for the entire class to do. Her name is Moriah Hoeffle, in an instant she said it was her fathers birthday and that she wanted the entire class to sing happy birthday to him to make his day. Immediately my heart sunk, not because I was against it. But because I was jealous and as always that thought came back to me. I wish I had that… I want to do that. But to be honest my father is a complete stranger to me, I haven’t seen him for two years now. And of course I sang happy birthday along with everyone else once her father picked up the phone. But when the substitue told her that it was time to put her phone away now and she desperately had to hang on to those last few minutes just to call him an old fart and to laugh with him saying that she was joking I was happy for her trust me. But for some odd reason the way her dad told her that he loved her dearly and the way she wasn’t embarrassed like most kids would be and actually smiled as she sweetly and cheerfully whispered back I love you daddy then hung up, I had to hide my face in my arms so that I wouldn’t cry. So please I say this to all of you now appreciate what you have. Go tell your dad right now that you love him. Because not everyone has that luxury. Some people have loving dads that are now dead and some people have dads that don’t care enough to love them back at all. So if you are lucky enough to have a dad that loves and cares for you… Go tell him you love him while you can. Because someday he’ll be gone.

Invisible

Hiding behind these walls I’m bleeding, suffocating beneath this adamant hymn. There are no words to stop the bleeding, but only them. So insignificant I am, overlooked alone and invisible I must be. All I want is to be visible to those who matter most to me.

Father, Father, Mother, Sister, haunted by these memories of what used to be. Only ignorance can block it out, so burry it, burry it deep behind the mask. Deeper and deeper it must go. No matter how much you just want someone to listen, you must hide the sorrow. Till you are nothing but a souless shell.

So smile, smile and smile. Burry it deep behind the mask, deeper and deeper no one must know. The anguish no one will ever know.

Ridiculed with no words to break the sorrow, no way to change the ‘morrow. Got to make the most out of this life and just let everything else be. To serve others, make them happy. So that they will never have to be trapped behind this wall… Behind this wall I bleed.

Anonymous asked: I love you!

Haha, I love you too :). You make me smile :D.

‘Strange But True’

The person who tries to keep everyone happy and always cares for everyone is always the most lonely person…